Well, I just participated in my school's Day of Silence on Thursday and I have to say it was a very... interesting... experience. Actually, interesting isn't quite the word. I think frustrating is more accurate. The fact that I couldn't voice my feelings when people asked why I was being silent really got on my nerves. It doesn't help that I constantly talk for some odd reason. I did have to give a speech in one of my classes. The funny thing is, I'm usually nervous to give my speeches but today I wanted to talk so badly that I couldn't wait to give it. I ended up going over the required time by a minute and a half. There were a couple things that pissed me off, though.

It didn't piss me off that people wore white to protest the day. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to get angry at them for expressing their beliefs and who they are when the whole Day of Silence is about toleraring and respecting those beliefs. The thing that really got me angry was when people ridiculed us for standing up for what we believe in. It's true that the most prominent idea of the Day of Silence is to end harassment of those that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender; but it's also a protest of all harassment. That means it is there to end the harassment of people based on their race, gender, beliefs, and, believe it or not, their sexual orientation.

The Editor-In-Chief of the school newspaper wearing a white shirt and shorts wouldn't have made me so angry if he hadn't written 'Straight Pride' and 'Are you tolerant?' on it. Wasn't it enough to just wear white? Don't get me wrong, I don't really mind Dan. I think he's an alright guy. I just think he has a lousy way of expressing how he's feeling. That's not as bad as what I heard about at the Breaking the Silence meeting after school, though. Apparently, there was one kid that was wearing a white shirt that said "Silly fag. Dicks are for chicks." When I heard about that, I really had to think about how immature students at Milford High School can be.

I was surprised when the only boy that really talks to me asked me why I was doing the day of silence and when I told him (on a piece of paper) that I don't support harassment, he said "I don't support harassment but doesn't the Day of Silence support gays?" and I seriously didn't know what to think anymore. I never expected him to say something like that. The fact that he thinks it's wrong to harass someone of another color or religion is great and all, but it's horrible that he believes that as soon as the harassment is directed towards someone who is gay it's alright. How is the bullying of someone who is gay different from the bullying of someone who is of a different race? They're both people.

During the Breaking the Silence party though, there was one boy who really said something that struck a chord. He outted himself when he was 12 and he said that doing the Day of Silence made him realize how it felt for just one day to be someone who comes close to telling someone they're gay and then holding back. It really hit me because I've known that feeling. There was a day where I was riding home with someone that I considered my best friend at the time and I came so close to telling her I was gay. I even got to the point where I opened my mouth and was about to tell her when I chickened out and decided against it. That day, and all the others like it, sucked because it kind of hurt that I felt that I couldn't tell someone that I considered close to me that I'm gay.

I dunno. The Day of Silence really showed me things about people at my school that I never thought I could believe. It also reminded me of a time not so long ago where none of my friends knew I was gay. I'm really glad I did it though, even if it was hard to not speak and to feel like I used to again. And I'm glad that my friends supported my decision to be silent for a whole school day and that a few even decided to participate themselves. I hope that the future will be a better one because of our efforts.

Well, I changed up the ending to Chapter 6 of Darkening Rays of Light. Well, I didn't really change it, but I did add more to it. Hopefully I'll be able to start chapter 7 now. For some reason, Chapter 7 always seems to give me the most trouble. In Differing Shades of Grey, it took me 3 months to start writing it. Hopefully that won't be the case this time. If it does happen, you all have permission to kick me in the face.

In other news, I managed to hook my friends on a video game called Def Jam Fight for New York while getting myself addicted to The Sims Castaway. Hopefully this won't be an obstacle in my attempts to write chapter 7.

In more unrelated news, Softball season has officially started up. Well, by started I mean that we've started having practices. I love being the manager. No pressure on me and I get to hang out with all of my friends. I still feel useful, too, because I help out with setting stuff up and what not. I'm hoping that having such a positive thing going on will allow me to write more. Or, it could just end up consuming my life. It could go either way. lol.

mood: excited music: Techno baby!

Well, I hate to say it but I think my creativity well is all dried up. I haven't been in the mood to write anything in the past month. This could be a problem, considering the fact that I have two classes that deal with writing this semester. I've tried writing chapter 7 of DRoL, and only got about two paragraphs written down on paper. I guess I'm just so excited about school being almost over that I'm not in much of a mood to do anything. I keep telling myself "I'll work on it tomorrow!" but it never happens. I guess that's what I get for being a procrastinator. I'd say that I don't have the time, but I really do. I mean, I don't do the little homework that I have, so it's hard for me to say that school takes up my time. I'm just going to wait and see if the urge comes to me.

On a completely unrelated know, I had my gas turned off for about a week and a half. That was fun. I love not being able to take hot showers or cook in the oven/on the stove and not having heat. It was a blast. Actually, we did get two space heaters- one for my room and one for the living room - so it wasn't too bad. I just missed the nice, hot showers. I hate washing my hair in the kitchen sink! We finally got it turned back on, though. I'll tell you, I missed the shower the most. Hahaha.

I tried to give blood today, but my iron was too low by like, 1%. That pissed me off because I had been waiting in line for so long trying not to have a nervous breakdown. See, I'm terrified of needles and I'm not very fond of the idea of getting blood taken out of me. What's even more embarrassing is the fact that I giggle/laugh uncontrollably when I get nervous. So, when the nurse went to poke my finger to check my blood, I started laughing and I kept pulling my hand away from the thing that she was going to use to poke my finger. I felt like an idiot when the poke didn't even hurt. Still pissed I didn't get to give blood, but at least I can say I tried. I even have a sticker that says so!

I also found a movie called Fried Green Tomatoes on television not too long ago. I must say that I fell in love with it. I wish I owned it so that I could watch it again. I love Idgie and Ruth! The movie made me bawl my eyes out twice, but I still love it. I should probably read the book...

Softball tryouts are coming up next week and I'm excited. I won't be trying out but I will be helping with them. I've already landed the job as Varsity manager, so I'm pumped for the season. I love hanging out with my friends and watching them kick ass, even though I can't. Maybe softball is just the thing to get me in the mood to write again. :)

location: Home mood: disappointed music: The Sounds

I was born in 1990, the awesome year of the horse! I think that's pretty cool, because if I could be any animal, I'd be a horse. I'd never be able to ride a horse, of course, because they're so high off the ground. I think they're really pretty, though, and that they represent free spirits. I blame watching Disney movies for this. Hahaha.

tags: rat year, writer's block

So, I'm really bored. That's why I've randomly decided to update this. That, and I haven't posted an actual entry in like, 5 weeks.

First of all, I'm really glad that I finally got my muse back for Darkening Rays of Light. I'm also glad that my reviewers liked the newest chapter and could forgive me for taking so long to update. :D  I think now I'll be able to update more than twice a month, as long as school stuff doesn't get in the way. For all of you subtext fans, I've been working on my ability to write romantic scenes. So far, they leave something to be desired... I do think that my fight scenes have gotten better, though!
On another note, I finally got a beta reader for DRoL! That makes me excited. Now I have someone to catch all my typos. :D Of course, she gets to read the chapters before anyone else does, which is a bonus for her, I guess.

I wanted to write a poem, but I lost my idea for it. Hahaha. So, instead of reading some crappy poem that I would come up with, I'll let you watch this video:

I'm not going to lie: Fergie is my guilty pleasure.

tags: guilty pleasure, hplife2, what do you have to say?, writer's block

Okay. So I guess I didn't get anything up today in either my original story or my Xena fanfic. The point is, I thought about it. And it's the thought that counts, right? RIGHT?! Anyways, I did start working on DRoL. Unfortunately, I didn't get far before my muse decided she hates me and ran away. Guess you guys are all stuck waiting. So sorry. :(

I think to make a good movie you definitely need good actors that know how to convey the message that the movie is supposed to get across. A decent, interesting plot would be nice, as well. High budget, of course. Actually, that may not be necessary, as long as it doesn't look like a home video. :) Those are the kind of movies I like, anyways.

As for good movies that I've seen recently... I saw the movie Stardust in theaters over the summer. I thought it was pretty much amazing.

tags: great films, hpentertainment2, what do you have to say?, writer's block

Holy cow, it's been forever since I updated this thing! Which is exactly why I'm apologizing. I haven't been able to keep in touch with you faithful friends... okay, the one friend who talks to me on here, Am. Hahaha. I also haven't been delivering on the sequel to DSoG, which I must apologize for as well. There have just been a few things going on in my life in the past month that have kept me from writing. Mainly school, but there have also been some family problems that have kept me busy. Not only that, but I've been getting sick for some reason. Nothing too life threatening, mind you. Just enough to make me want to not write. I think I might be allergic to something in my 2nd hour because that's when I usually start getting sick.

Anyways, I'm hoping to have a chapter done by tomorrow as a sort of holiday gift for the readers. I doubt it will actually happen, but... I can still try. :D I'm also going to try to write the next chapter in my original story on fictionpress, but I don't think that will happen either; especially if I'm working on DRoL. I guess it all depends on which one I feel more inclined to finish. I think I have more readers in the DRoL section, though, so I'll probably try to finish that one if I can only finish one.

Now for something totally different!

We (as in me, my mom, and my annoying little sister) were on our way to my grandma's house yesterday for a small Christmas party. It ended up being a very quiet car ride (after my sister and I had spent 10 minutes arguing, of course). It was mainly because I couldn't stop myself from actually looking at everything around me. The wind was blowing snow across the street. It wasn't a lot of snow. Just like, little bits of it. It was really pretty. I can't even put it into words. I spent most of the car ride watching the wind blow the snow across road and I just felt... I dunno.... less angry than I usually am. Then I ended up looking at the moon for the rest of the ride. It was full, but it wasn't like... super huge and strange colors. It was just a regular full moon with grey and white. I really don't know why I couldn't stop looking at it. XD Of course, then that damn subject known as science popped into my head and was like 'haha... the moon is just a reflection of sunlight'. I really hate science sometimes. XD
Anyways, I was thinking of using that kind of scene in one of the two stories. I'm leaning more towards the original story (The Silent Guardian) because it seems like something the princess and the guardian could bond over.

location: Home

I found this picture on one of the forums I constantly go to and it simply made my day:



And this one pretty much describes my feelings right now:

location: Home